


smile for me

by ballpointpennn



Category: SEVENTEEN - Fandom
Genre: Anorexia, Drug Addictions, Lots of Cursing, M/M, anger issues, gore details
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-23 16:38:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17083916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ballpointpennn/pseuds/ballpointpennn
Summary: Hansol has anger issues and is placed in an asylum.He meets a masked boy named Seungkwan.Seungkwan doesn't talk, and never shows his full face.Accompanied by his new friends, anorexic Junhui and drug addict Wonwoo, he starts the search for Seungkwan's past and finds out more than he ever wanted to.





	smile for me

**Author's Note:**

> I LOVE THIS ONE.  
> My favourite one by FAR. Ugh, the angst, guys, it's amazing. I can't believe that I wrote this, jesus christ.

The white walls of his room were supposed to calm him down. But they didn't. It made him want to punch them so hard that he broke his arm up to his shoulder.

Hansol shifted in his bed. It was his 11th day in the asylum. He was surrounded by mental illnesses and it angered him too, but he couldn't express it. Because that was wrong.

"Anger must be held inside and leave by itself. We must never act out of anger."

Hansol mouthed the words softly. He hated this place. It was like hell. It was cold and uncomfortable. The food sucked, except for the food that was prepared for the anorexic people. And those ungrateful bastards just- 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7- Hansol jumped out of his bed. These fucking methods weren't working! Nothing was! He would just be stuck with this angry feeling forever!  
He hated it, he hated it, he hated... himself.

 

"You seem like you didn't sleep well last night, you okay?" One of his friends - well, one of the people he communicated with - asked.

"Are any of us really okay, Junhui?" He spat angrily.

"I'm sorry." Junhui apoligized softly, his eyes staring at the delicious food on his plate. "For fucks sake, Junhui. Eat the damn sandwich." Hansol cursed at him.

Jun had tears in his eyes. "It's not that easy." He whispered. It felt as if someone had flicked a finger against Hansol's heart as he heard those words.

He sighed softly. "I'm sorry. I'm trying to work on it, I swear." He said.

Jun tried to smile through his tears. Hansol thought it was really uplifting, since smiles were very rare in this enviroment.

He took a few deep breaths and tried to calm himself. "I know, Jun. And I'm very proud of you for it." Hansol managed and smiled back. He was pretty sure that that was the first time he had smiled since arriving there.

Jun managed to eat half of his sandwich and Hansol stayed calm. They were proud of eachother and went through their day together. 

 

Hansol walked through the corridors and the departments of the asylum. Exercise should help him get rid of the anger.

But instead he only saw emiciated bodies of people who seemed more ghost then human, countless scars on wrists, arms and thighs of suicidal people and unhealthy looking, exhausted drug addicts who ripped off their own hair because of how nervous they felt.

As he passed the Special Cases department, he noticed a boy.

He was staring out of the window. He wore a white beanie and a white face mask. The only thing that Hansol could see were his eyes.

They were black and almost emotionless. He had something tranquil about him, something that took away Hansol's furious feelings. Not totally ofcourse, he still felt locked up in this horrific place- the boy caught his stare.

He shamelessly stared back at Hansol. And Hansol could've sworn that the boy lacked a soul. 

He raised his hand and waved at the boy carefully, a little scared of his reaction.

The boy didn't flinch but Hansol could see him waving back. It was unsure and a little shy, and Hansol didn't want to bother him any longer.

He broke eyecontact with the mysterious boy and walked back to his own department. 

 

The next day, he and Junhui sat outside on a bench. Hansol was smoking a cigarette and Junhui was trying his hardest not to ask for one.

Hansol knew Junhui couldn't enjoy the pleasure of having one, because it would only make him lose more weight. But he didn't care. He needed them himself. You know, to cope.

The only thing Hansol enjoyed were the gardens of this hellhole. They were large and filled with random bushes and trees and it was a complete mess.

But that's what Hansol loved most about it. It was a mess, just like all of them. He always thought of it as the inside of the minds of people here after their treatment.

It would still be a mess, but at least it would be alive and breathing.

The two boys sat there in a comfortable silence. Until Junhui decided to break it. "You've got an admirer." He said and he cocked his head at the building.

Hansol looked up and caught the boy from the day before staring at them. His eyes widened and his face then scrunched up in pain. The boy then dissapeared.

"That was odd." Junhui said.

Hansol agreed with him. He took a long drag of his cigarette and gave it to Junhui as he exhaled the smoke.

The boy's eyes widened. "C'mon, Junhui. You deserve this, for fucks sake. You've been doing really well." He praised the elder.

Junhui smiled and took a drag from the cigarette. He exhaled a satisfied sigh and smiled. 

Hansol laughed and glanced back at the window. There was no boy to be seen. "I should give him something." Hansol said, "To apologize for staring the other day."

Junhui nodded, too caught up in his guilty pleasure. Hansol picked the prettiest daisy he could find and went inside.

 

He walked through the darkest departments of the asylum towards the Special Cases department. As he was about to go into their living room, a nurse stopped him.

"I'm sorry, Hansol, but you can't come here." She said.

Hansol felt his anger building up already. "Why not? What the fuck could go wrong?" He said a tad too loud.

"It would affect the patients. You don't know how complicated they are. Please try to understand." She said calmly.

Hansol sighed. "Okay, but could you just- give this to the boy with the white mask and hat? I wanna apologize for staring the other day." He said.

The nurse smiled. "That's really kind of you, Hansol." She said.

 

A few days passed and Hansol kept picking flowers for the boy. He walked to their department every day. Just to get a glance of the boy. He had such a peaceful aura, it was sorta addicting to Hansol. He wanted to meet him and talk to him. But he knew he couldn't. So he just kept delivering flowers.

"Where did you get that beautiful flower this time, Hansol?" The nurse asked him as she took the rose from him.

"The gardens have flowers in them." He laughed.

She made a fake surprised face and let it turn into a smile. "He's been feeling better since the first daisy, you know..." She said as she looked at the rose.

Hansol felt warm and ticklish. "Does he talk about me then?" He asked curiously.

The nurse seemed to think. "Seungkwan doesn't really talk. He's deaf. But he signs to me to thank you every time." She said.

Hansol was surprised. "So he only speaks sign language?" He asked.

The nurse nodded. "That's great, I need to go now, though. Can't be late for therapy again."

 

After therapy, Hansol went to the library and got seated at a computer. He typed "sign language for beginners" into the search bar on YouTube and clicked the first video that popped up. And from then on, Hansol was found every afternoon in the library, learning a new language just so he could maybe have a chance to talk to the boy he wanted to meet.

 

"You better not be cursing at me, man." Junhui said as he watched Hansol practice sign language to him.

Hansol laughed and shook his head. "I said something else, idiot." He answered. Junhui's eyebrows nearly met.

"Dude, I speak Chinese, Korean and a bit of Japanese but no freakin' sign language. Now, tell me what you said." He said, causing Hansol to laugh harder.

Hansol signed him some more words and kept laughing at how confused the thin boy looked.

 

"Ah, Hansol. You're back." The nurse said with a smile.

"Yes, I am." Hansol signed.

The woman looked surprised. "You learned sign language!" She yelled happily.

"Yeah, I did. Can I go talk to him?" Hansol signed again.

The nurse's smile slowly dissapeared. She seemed to think for a minute. After taking a deep breath, she opened the door for him to enter.

They walked through a cold hallway and stopped at a door at the end of the hallway.

"Do not touch him, or scare him in any way." She said strictly. Hansol nodded.

"You have my word." He said. She gave him a serious look and opened the door. She walked in and told Hansol to stay back.

He could see her signing "He's here. Do you want to see him?" to the boy. It stayed silent for a bit and she then looked at him.  
"Come in, Hansol." She said sweetly. Hansol curiously entered the room.

He was sure that he had just whitnessed an angel. He was wearing a white hoodie and ofcourse his mask, with some light blue jeans and sneakers.  
He was seated in a chair near the window and a book laid in his lap. Even though he didn't seem to smile, Hansol thought he looked ethereal. His lashes were long and thick, and seemed to flutter like a butterfly's wings as he blinked.

His eyes were deep and hid dark secrets, you didn't have to know him to realise that. Hansol was lost in the moment, as the undescribable peace silently became one with his soul. 

"I'll leave you two alone now. Hansol, 10 minutes. That's all." She said strictly.

He nodded absently, his eyes not leaving the mystery named Seungkwan. She shut the door and Hansol stood there. He gathered himself and waved.

The boy waved back.

A silence occured.

Hansol's eyes looked around the room, helplessly searching for something to say. He noticed the vase of flowers. All types, and all brought by him. He looked back at Seungkwan and gathered himself.

"You like flowers?" He signed, a bit clumpsy.

The boy gave him a slight and quick nod and looked outside. His fingers were scratching the armrests of his wooden chair.

"What book?" Hansol tried again and the boy took a deep breath. He folded it gently and laid it on the table near him, slightly pushing it his way.

Hansol noticed how he was trembling a little. Hansol took the book slowly, trying not to scare him. He read the back and smiled. "Harry Potter." He signed to the boy with a smile, "I never read, I watch. I am Slytherin."

The boy's eyes lit up and he then frowned, as if he was in pain. "H-U-F-F-L-E-P-U-F-F." Seungkwan signed back.

Hansol chuckled. "Good human." He signed.

The boy frowned again, this time more intense.

"You okay?" Hansol signed.

Seungkwan nodded quickly and leaned back in his chair, as if he was trying to keep his distance.

Suddenly the door opened. "Time to go, Hansol." The nurse said as she walked in the room. He nodded in response and looked at Seungkwan.

He waved at him and Hansol waved back. He felt sad that they had only seen eachother for such a short time, but didn't notice how the other's eyes followed him out of the room, until he dissapeared back into the hallway.

 

"Man, that sucks!" Junhui said at breakfast the next day, when Hansol had told him what happened.

"I know right! I worked so fucking hard, and I only get 10 minutes with him. It's ridiculous." He yelled, a tad too loud. Some heads turned their way, and he shot them a cocky glare. 

"But hey, could've been worse. He could've been a psychopath or something like that." Junhui said. Hansol tilted his head.

"Yeah, there was a strange thing about him, now that you say it. He was wearing a mask the entire-" Hansol stopped mid-sentence. Junhui was looking towards something behind him. Or rather someone.

"Junhui, why aren't you listening, what the fuck could be more important then your friend's- Oh." Hansol saw exactly what distracted Junhui.

A pale, young man with black hair sat a few tables behind them, his face was beautifully sculpted with his sharp cheekbones and fox-like eyes. He seemed emotionless, just like Seungkwan. Hansol noticed the bags under his eyes and the nervousness in his behavior.

He turned to Junhui again. "He's hot." He said with a smirk.

"Shut up." Junhui said as he avoided eyecontact.

"Are you blushing, Wen Junhui? Are you really blushing? Are you? Hmm?" Hansol teased with a sugarcoated voice.

Junhui looked up and straight into his eyes. "I will shove this meal right down your throat so you can choke on something else then your obvious crush's tiny dick like you probably do in your daydreams." Junhui spat.

Hansol errupted in laughter and clapped. He liked Junhui too much to let that anger him and it was the first time that the once so shy boy had insulted someone so spectaculairly.

"Hansol, he's looking, you dumb fuck! Stop laughing." Junhui hissed.

Hansol turned around, in an anything-but-subtle way. "Hey, fox boy! Wanna come sit with us?" He yelled, laughing as he did so.

"Oh, you're dead. You're SO dead. I'm so gonna strangle you-" Junhui stopped as the boy approached them. He went dead silent within seconds.

"Sup, fox boy. I'm Hansol." Hansol said with a grin.

The boy sat down. "Wonwoo." He answered.

"So, what are you here for?" Hansol asked without thinking. Junhui kicked him underneath the table and shot him a pair of warning eyes. Hansol's grin just got wider to the elder's frustration.

"Moments ago I was here for a drug addiction, but now I'd rather be here for that hot friend of yours." Wonwoo answered as he looked up at Junhui, a slight grin resting on his lips. 

Junhui was blushing and looked down shyly.

"Oof, dude. That was smooth." Hansol said, sincerely sounding impressed. Wonwoo laughed and god, it was the prettiest sound Junhui had heard.

"Now, what's your name, gorgeous?" Wonwoo asked him.   
"J- Junhui." He stuttered softly.

"He can speak Chinese, it's so cool." Hansol said and he wiggled his eyebrows at Wonwoo. 

"Hansol, you fucking idiot, I am Chinese." Junhui said.

Wonwoo's jaw dropped. "Ah, I see pretty boy here has some confidence." He said as he raised an eyebrow at Junhui, who chuckled in response.

"Nope, you've got that wrong. Hansol is just an annoying asshole that can't shut the fuck up." Junhui answered. Hansol and Wonwoo both laughed.

"It's true, I really am an asshole." Hansol laughed. The three of them enjoyed breakfast together and Junhui even managed to eat all of his food. 

 

Hansol walked through the gardens, searching for a flower for today. He had given him daisies, roses, and so much more. Which one should he pick today? He walked around and observed them silently. This had became a daily task for him and he loved it. He noticed the little pond on the field and saw lotus flowers drifting in it. He quickly ran over, which appeared to be a big, big mistake. Hansol slipped and fell, rolled down the hill and ended up in the pond, beneath the surface. 

"Hansol, you're soaked!" The nurse said as she opened the door. Hansol smiled brightly and gave her the lotus flower. He was dripping wet but he didn't really care. "Tell him I was here." Hansol said quickly, before leaving again. The nurse stood there and it took her a few moments before she chuckled and closed the door again. 

The rest of the afternoon, Hansol spent in the library. He was learning new words in sign language. As usual. Fortunately, he didn't notice someone staring at him from behind the bookcases. Someone who wasn't brave enough yet to go and say hi. 

 

The next morning, Hansol sat alone at breakfast. He was wondering where his friends were and if he even wanted to know. Suddenly someone tapped on his shoulder. He jumped up and was about to smack someone the fuck up until he noticed those deep brown eyes he adored. 

"Do you want sitting?" Hansol signed. Seungkwan nodded slightly and they both sat down. Hansol noticed that Seungkwan was still being distant, but it only meant that he had to make sure the boy felt comfortable.

Seungkwan laid a book on the table. "For you." He signed.

Hansol felt the ticklish feeling run through his entire body and he smiled brightly. Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. "You have to read." Seungkwan signed.

Hansol laughed and nodded. He stuck out his pinky, to do the pinky promise. Seungkwan frowned again and took a deep breath. He interlocked their pinkies and accepted Hansol's promise. 

 

The next few days, Hansol was spending his time reading the paperback book as if his life depended on it. And at lunch, on the 5th day of his reading marathon, his peace got disturbed.

"Hansol, Hansol, Hansol, Hansol!" Junhui almost yelled as he sat down near his friend, "Put the fucking book down and listen to me."

Hansol looked up and closed his book slowly. "What do you want?" He spat at the elder. 

"Wonwoo and I fucked this morning! And I'm telling you, his dick is huge!" Junhui whispered, "His cum is the only thing I do like to swallow, I swear to god."

Hansol rolled his eyes. "You horny bastards. Where's fox boy anyways?" He asked.

"Sleeping. He was exhausted." Jun giggled.

Hansol thought for a bit. "Hey uhm, how did you do it?" He asked, "Like with your anorexia, don't you feel insecure?"

Junhui's excitement dissapeared and Hansol had instant regrets, but soon a soft smile replaced the former feeling. "Wonwoo has just... made me feel really loved for the past weeks. And he really likes me for me and doesn't care about my body that much. He was really careful, don't worry. I'm not in pain or anything." He said softly. 

Hansol smiled. "That's nice. I'm happy for you." He said. "What are we talking about?" Wonwoo said as he joined. He kissed Junhui's cheek quickly.

"About how the two of you fucked." Hansol said as he opened his book again. Wonwoo and Junhui laughed as Hansol kept reading.

Only a day later, the book was returned to Seungkwan and as he opened it, a note slipped out.

 

**Meet me on the top of the building tonight. I want to show you something. X**

 

"Do I look good? Hey, stop making out! I don't want cum on my covers!" Hansol shouted as he came out of the bathroom and saw Wonwoo and Junhui on his bed. Doing- whatever. "Wear that hoodie. The black one. That one's hot." Junhui said. Hansol sighed. "I need him to feel comfortable. I don't want him to get an accidental boner." He turned around and changed for the nth time, hoping that something might look good on him.

 

Hansol paced on the roof. The stars were wonderful this night. God, he was so nervous. What if he'd do something stupid or hurt him or- the door creaked open slowly.

Hansol watched as an angel stepped on the roof. His brown hair seemed so soft in the moonlight. Seungkwan was wearing a pink hoodie with the hood on and his usual white mask. 

Hansol just wanted to hold him. He waved at him and smiled brightly as he received a wave back.

"Welcome." He signed happily. Seungkwan gave him a quick nod.

"You look beautiful." Hansol signed.

Seungkwan looked down and blushed. He signed a shy "You too." back and avoided eyecontact.

Hansol reached out his hand and waited for Seungkwan to take it, which he - after looking at it for a bit - did. His hand was soft and small in Hansol's, but they somehow fit together almost perfectly.

Hansol pulled him around the corner of the little flat-roofed entrance. A ladder stood there and Seungkwan blinked. Hansol chuckled.

"Up." He signed and began to climb up. Seungkwan was waiting for him to reach the top. Hansol reached out his hand and helped Seungkwan up too.

Hansol was excited for Seungkwan's reaction but felt a bit dissapointed as he saw his face scrunch up again, like he had done before. The boy seemed to try and relax his face and then looked at him.

"It is wonderful." He signed. Hansol smiled brightly. He had done his very best ofcourse. 

Junhui and Wonwoo had helped him to build up this cozy spot on the roof. Pillows were resting against the glass window prism at the end of the surface which was covered by a blanket because it was dirty and the floor was also covered with two blankets. In the middle there stood a low table and a computer on top, with a charger and a power bank next to it. There were lit candles on the table and underneath, a few more blankets. Hansol was already sitting down while Seungkwan was admiring the place. He patted on the place next to him and Seungkwan went to sit down.

His eyes lit up as he saw the screen. "Now you watch, not read." Hansol signed. Seungkwan shook his head as his face scrunched up again.

"Smooth." Seungkwan signed. Hansol laughed and started the movie. Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, what else would you expect?

Halfway through the movie, Seungkwan was already underneath a blanket, close to Hansol, who had his arm wrapped around him. It was comfy and warm to sit so close together. They both enjoyed it a lot. 

When the credits started rolling, Hansol noticed that Seungkwan had fallen asleep on his shoulder. He smiled warmly, happy that the boy was comfortable around him. He stroked Seungkwan's upper arm gently and woke him up softly.

Seungkwan blinked a few times and realised that he had fallen asleep. "Sorry." He signed sincerely. Hansol just smiled. Seungkwan felt so warm against him. It was so peaceful. 

 

"Here is today's flower." Hansol signed and he gave a red rose with a little paper tied to it to him. They had snuck back into the building quietly, laughing when they had bumped into something and trying to be as silent as possible. Seungkwan accepted the flower and noticed that the note had a number written on it.

"Thanks for the lovely night, Hansol." Seungkwan signed back. Hansol could swear that Seungkwan was smiling behind that mask. Even if it was the slightest smile of all.

Hansol bowed dramatically and Seungkwan's face scrunched up a little. His eyes looked cheerful in this very moment and maybe a bit in love too.

Hansol was a man of respect so he wouldn't ask Seungkwan to remove the mask, but instead gently stroke his hair to the side and press a gentle kiss on his forehead while resting his hands against the skin of Seungkwan's neck.

Seungkwan closed his eyes at the lovely touch and held Hansol's wrists in approval. When Hansol pulled back, a soft smile rested on his lips. They wished eachother a good night in sign language and only when Hansol saw Seungkwan close the door of his room, he left to go to the roof again to clean things up.

 

A couple of days later, Seungkwan sat against a tree with Hansol's head resting on his lap. The younger was snoring lightly and Seungkwan thought it was kinda funny.

He was reading Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, peacefully. They enjoyed the warm weather and the soft breeze. The gras was bright green and the flowers were all around, reminding Seungkwan of the many he had received.

Hansol shifted a bit in his sleep and began whining softly. His hand hit his own chest a couple of times and Seungkwan was sure he was hurting himself because of his nightmare.

He quickly laced their fingers together gently and Hansol hummed in approval softly. Seungkwan laid his book down and gently roamed his fingers through Hansol's greyish blonde locks. For the first time in a while, he felt happy. 

 

Hansol even invited Seungkwan to sit with him and those two idiots for breakfast, lunch and dinner. The two were growing closer slowly and Wonwoo and Junhui felt really happy to see them like that. They were often found together, all four of them.

Junhui and Wonwoo were attempting to learn sign language as well, so they could communicate better with Seungkwan, who really appreciated their effort. They all went through hard times, but were there for eachother.

Seungkwan could calm Hansol during an anger attack by just looking him in the eyes and holding his face gently and he always comforted Junhui when he broke down during a meal. One time Wonwoo felt irritated and nervous because he craved drugs and Seungkwan had just wordlessly given him the first Harry Potter book, to calm himself down.

(And now Junhui always listens to Wonwoo when he reads the book out loud, because trying to get his attention when that book is even a few metres near him has become quite impossible.)

Wonwoo, Junhui and ofcourse Hansol were always there for Seungkwan too, but he didn't really seem to have a need to talk. Their friendship was stable and seemingly unbreakable and they were determinded to keep it that way.

 

A couple weeks later, the four sat at their usual table for dinner. Well, Seungkwan had yet to arrive but the others were already eating.

It was all fun and peaceful until they heard a loud "What's that mask for fella?"

Hansol shot up and ran towards the noise. Junhui and Wonwoo followed right after. As they ran around the corner, the saw three big guys standing in front of Seungkwan, who was facing them with his back. "Why don't you take it off, you faggot? Got someting to hide?" Another guy spat at him.

Hansol was at the brink of exploding. "Lay one finger on him and I swear I'll beat your ass the fuck up." Hansol said. The three looked at him with a grin.

"What are you gonna do, pretty boy?" They said.

"You heard me, you motherfucker." Hansol said sharply. The biggest one of them reached out to rip off Seungkwan's mask and punch him right in the face.

Hansol felt the incredible adrenaline racing through his veins as he tensed up every muscle in his body. Within seconds blood splattered against his fist from punching him right in the nose. Another one got hit with an elbow in his throat and the third got a knee in his crotch.

The biggest tried fighting back but Hansol kept punching him and punching him. He was trembling severely and lost focus for a second. Suddenly he felt a throbbing pain in his nose as he spit the blood on the floor. It only fueled his rage and he went completely crazy on the boys. Two of them managed to run away as he was truly fucking up the last one's face.

He only realised how numb he had become to the sounds around him when he heard Wonwoo and Junhui call out his name. He stood up and spit on the guy, who ran away as fast as he could. He then turned around and wiped the blood off of his face with his arm. 

 

Seungkwan had taken Hansol to his room, where he was going to take care of his nose. The two sat on Hansol's bed, a soft song playing through his box. Seungkwan was carefully dabbing the blood from his face with a wet washing cloth while Hansol was gazing at him. 

When all the blood was gone, Seungkwan washed his arms gently and wrapped his bruised knuckles in a bandage. When he was done he looked up at the once so bright boy.  
He placed a hand on his cheek carefully and gently stroked the skin with his thumb.

Hansol closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. He placed his hand on the back of Seungkwan's and pressed a little kiss on his palm.

Seungkwan frowned again, but his eyes showed nothing but warmth. "Can I kiss you?" Hansol signed. You could clearly see how tense and nervous Seungkwan got. He shifted in place and took a deep breath.  
Hansol waited for his response patiently. His hands reached out behind Seungkwan's ears to take off the face mask and he waited a little, for Seungkwan's permission.  
The boy looked at him one last time and closed his eyes. He nodded. Hansol gently took off the face mask.

 

 

 

Two deep cuts in his cheeks were sown together leaving an eternal smile on his face.

 

 

Seungkwan had an angel's smile.

 

 

And Hansol knew exactly what that meant.

 

 

Seungkwan opened his eyes and a tear slipped out, when he saw that Hansol knew.

All his senses went numb, except for his sight. And it all seemed to happen in slow motion. 

Hansol exploded like a granate in a warzone, screeching that Seungkwan had to leave. He was trembling hard and tears of pure rage fell down his face like rain in fall.

Seungkwan knew this was bound to happen at some point. Hansol roughly pushed him out of the room and the door flew shut. A lock clicked.

It was over. The first person who had made him feel beautiful, the first one that looked at him with so much adoration even though he was hidden behind his mask. Gone.

Hansol pulled the key out of the lock and slipped it underneath the door, locking himself in. He was hyperventilating, and he didn't want Seungkwan to see his outburst. But little did he know that the boy had already ran away, with thick tears streaming down his face stinging in his almost healed angel's smile.

Hansol felt like his blood was boiling, speeding through his veins maniacally, threatening to explode. His body shook violently and tears poured out of his eyes. Hansol started throwing things around. Books, pens, mirrors. Anything he could find. He threw the bookcase to the floor and broke it with his bare hands. He ripped his matress to pieces, freeing hundreds of white feathers. He ran into his bathroom and looked at himself, his broken hands covered in blood.

He couldn't stand the sight. The sight of a vicious monster that couldn't handle his rage. He punched the mirror and it cracked into pieces, shattering like his heart had when the realisation hit.

He shouted roughly, screaming for help through his tears. The nerves in his body throbbed with pain everywhere, bruises appeared on his pale skin and cuts bled as if they reflected his heart. 

An hour later, the door opened

 

Hansol was carried out, unconcious.

 

"He lost a lot of blood, the place looks like a murder scene."

 

Wonwoo and Junhui sat close to eachother. Hansol was in the hospital wing of the asylum, and they waited for him to wake up. Wonwoo stared in front of him, blankly while Junhui was crying quietly, allowing his tears to seep into Wonwoo's hoodie. A groan awakened them. They both got up and walked over to Hansol's bed quickly. The boy groaned again as he opened his eyes. He suddenly sat up.   
"Seungkwan!"

"Hansol, come back here! Where are you going?!" Wonwoo shouted as he and Junhui ran after Hansol, who had jumped out of his bed after ripping the infusion out. He was running towards the Special Cases department, towards Seungkwan. He barged into the department and avoided every nurse that tried to get a hold of him. He roughly opened the door of Seungkwan's room.

 

His heart stopped.

 

It was empty.

 

Seungkwan is gone.

 

"Where is he?!" Hansol shouted roughly, the rage from before originating in his body once more. The nurse he knew all too well rushed into the room. "Hansol, calm down!" She said in a stern voice, but Hansol didn't flinch. "I will NOT fucking calm down! Seungkwan was the only fucking thing that could calm me down! He was the peace I never had! And now he's gone!" He screeched as the tears streamed down his face without mercy. The nurse was silent. They all were. The loudest sound was Hansol's heavy breathing and his tears hitting the floor. 

"Hansol?" An unknown, soft and kind voice whispered.

Hansol's head jerked up and he tried to unblur his vision. Someone walked over to him. Brown hair, big brown eyes, white hoodie. 

"Seungkwan." Hansol gasped, his heart skipping a beat.

He didn't hesitate for even a split second to pull the boy into a close embrace. Hansol buried his face in the crook of Seungkwan's neck and inhaled his scent. Flowers. All kinds of flowers. 

His warmth against his body, those arms wrapped around his neck. He could feel it all. It was real. Seungkwan was really in Hansol's arms. And Hansol was never letting go again. 

Hansol heard the soft click of the door closing. They were alone. Hansol softly let go of Seungkwan, but still held his arms around his waist. He leaned their foreheads together.

He felt an incredible warmth waving through his body and he knew what it was.

"You're beautiful," Hansol whispered, "So fucking beautiful." A tear ran down his cheek. 

Seungkwan was crying softly too. He kissed away Hansol's tear gently.   
"I love you." Seungkwan said out loud, yet softly.

Hansol felt incredible hearing those words. He gently stroked his nose against Seungkwan's and leaned in carefully. He kissed Seungkwan's lips as if he was the most fragile thing in the world. Which, to Hansol, he was. 

They sat down and talked to eachother by using sign language and writing down phrases instead of actually talking. Hansol discovered that Seungkwan wasn't deaf but talking just hurted too much so the asylum had taught him sign language to communicate without being in pain.

It also explained that everytime Seungkwan wanted to smile, he'd frown instead because of his fragile scars. He told Hansol that he felt beautiful because of him and that he even tried to look in the mirror and really look at himself without crying or feeling disgusting.

Seungkwan learned that Hansol had only pushed him away because he has destructive anger issues and would risk hurting him otherwise while Seungkwan thought he just did so because he felt the same about Seungkwan as Seungkwan felt about himself.  
But now the masked boy realised, that the way Hansol looked at him, held nothing but love and admiration. And he was sure in that exact moment that he had found happiness.

Something he thought he didn't deserve,  
Something he thought he would never find.  
And still here it is, in it's most beautiful human form.  
Never turned into forever with Hansol by his side.

**Author's Note:**

> An Angel's Smile; the urban legend from my hometown:
> 
> There are creatures in the alleys of my town, who prey on young women. They catch them and rape them, if they weren't good enough, they'd carve an angel's smile into their faces. If they were good enough, they'd get murdered.
> 
> The women would be forced to live with their trauma their entire life.


End file.
